uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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