My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
