I wish I could teleport
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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