I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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