The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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