You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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