There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
