the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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