Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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