The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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