I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she told me i tasted like america
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
