I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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