I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
