sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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