I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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