tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
