forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
