oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
