first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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