Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
