I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
