nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
