Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Acid is not a monday night drug
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize