Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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