Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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