My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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