Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
