so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You ruined the universe
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
