Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
