If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize