I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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