u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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