hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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