if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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