if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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