He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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