hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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