Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dear god my vagina.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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