It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
