When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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