My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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