I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
