just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
