no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
