Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
