I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
NoShamevember. You game?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
