I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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