Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
