i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
