I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
