I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
