Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
