maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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