A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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