The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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