I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
