I looked at my own cervix.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
