hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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