u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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