Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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