I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
