morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
