it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
