Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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