I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize