the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
