Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
