you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
