i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
