How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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