So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
