found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize