.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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