Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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