I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
