there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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