Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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