i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
