His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
