I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
