But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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