fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
