my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
