So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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