If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
