Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
