no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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