if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She made me pour olive oil on her.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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