He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
