I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
