good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have post one night stand depression
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