I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
