I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
