Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
