If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
