I got chris browned last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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