I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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