margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
