turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
