You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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